You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
