Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
