There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
