I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
