i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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