you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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