Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
