i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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