omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
