Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
