my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
