How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
