My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
