I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
