News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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