I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
