3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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