Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
