I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
