THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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