In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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