Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
