you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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