you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize