I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
