I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
