His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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