The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
