I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
