got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
