I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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