I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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