was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
