I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
