Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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