I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
