I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
