we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
