youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
