He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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