I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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