I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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