I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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