i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
