I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
