found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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