im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
