I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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