Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
