i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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