he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
