Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
