I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
50% drunk capacity currently
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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