I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
