He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
