Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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