i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
