My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
