This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
