yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
